Absent Father; Hurt Unspeakable.

My heart is so full tonight. My heart is heavy and low. Tonight I saw Tara’s Dad, and he was just so casual and nonchalant. He has not seen her in six months and he blames me, yet he makes no effort to see her and he has never ever even given her a dollar or a toy. He has never given her ANYTHING!

I want Tara to have a Dad so oooooo badly. She is so beautiful and sweet, she deserves a father. Why won’t her dad be a father? He is so irresponsible and nonchalant, yet he says that he cares. Actions speak louder than words and he does nothing for her and only calls once in a while.

I am so sad, my daughter deserves better than this. How will i raise her without a father? I am so ashamed that the man I made her with treats her like this. It’s my fault, I knew he was no good, yet I still went and had a child with him. Now, she has no father. Oh God!!!!!!!! My heart is breaking into a million pieces. my heart hurts. What will I do? How will i raise her well? Will she turn out ok?

I am sooooo sad, I am soo ashamed. I am so embarassed. I want my lil girl to have a dad. I want that sooooo bad.

 

Enjoying Motherhood

Ok, guys, I have decided to ACTIVELY try to enjoy EVERY ASPECT OF MOTHERHOOD. The last few weeks i have been pretty down about being a single mom and all the stress that comes along with it including having very little time for myself. Well, ok I have made a plan. I go to school on mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays, so after school i will go to the gym. That way i get some ‘me’ time and I will feel better about myself. twice a month, i will let the nanny come in on a sunday for half day and i will use that time to rest! She is coming tomorrow, YAYYYYYY! That means rest for me! Also trying to eat less and more healthy!

Here goes……………..

 

New Year’s Eve Loneliness

Happy New Year to everyone!!!!! I myself while trying my best to feel optimistic about the upcoming year am feeling LOOOONELY tonight. I have had a great 2007, my family was healthy, we suffered no deaths of close loved ones, we kept our jobs, my daughter hs been healthy and happy and God has just been so good to us. So while i do not want to seem ungrateful, i must admit that tonight december 31, 2007.. i am feeling blue. Blue because one year has passed and I am still no where closer to meeting someone special, one year has passed and my daughter’s dad has been a jerk from conception till now and shows very little interest in her and i am feeling anxious because another year lies ahead and I am fearful of the unknown.

My wishes for 2008:

1. health and happiness for my mom, Tara, my sister , my dad and myself

2. To complete my degree

3. To meet a life partner

4. To eat healthier

5. less crime in jamaica

Love you guys,

K