Calmer Waters

Hi everyone,

So you know the last two weeks have been rough for me and then I had two tests to prep for and then my daughter’s allergies were triggered . After i got that sorted, she got an ear infection. I was pretty upset because we work very hard to keep her clean and her surroundings sanitary as well as we do everything we humanly can to keep her in good health. But hey, these things happen.

Giving her the antibiotics is terrible. She kicks and screams like a mountain lion and I end up having to hold her down and force it into her mouth and she BAWLS and then vomits and we have to redo the process! I knew motherhood was challenging but WOAHHH!!!

Anyway, I didn’t do too badly in my last two tests. I scored a B+ in one and an A in the other. I am thankful to God for helping me because the last thing my confidence needs right now is poor school results. I have another result to get, so cross fingers and eyes that It will be good as well.

I am going to get a new hairstyle and see if that will help shake me out of this boring phase…. I know it’s not the external but internal that makes a difference but it just may help!

Realizing now that I am not ready to date or even think along that line. I have to first get over and forgive my daughter’s dad for being the kind of filth that he is. My heart is not in a healthy place as far as men are concerned. I am way too hurt and angry. So my focus is on GOD, TARA, ME AND MY FAMILY.

A good, decent, loving man will come along and when it happens I will be ready, but right now I just need to be and really immerse myself fully into being a mom and taking care of my inner spiritual self.

Love you guys,

Thanks for the encouragement. God, knows I need it.

Kim

 

Absent Father; Hurt Unspeakable.

My heart is so full tonight. My heart is heavy and low. Tonight I saw Tara’s Dad, and he was just so casual and nonchalant. He has not seen her in six months and he blames me, yet he makes no effort to see her and he has never ever even given her a dollar or a toy. He has never given her ANYTHING!

I want Tara to have a Dad so oooooo badly. She is so beautiful and sweet, she deserves a father. Why won’t her dad be a father? He is so irresponsible and nonchalant, yet he says that he cares. Actions speak louder than words and he does nothing for her and only calls once in a while.

I am so sad, my daughter deserves better than this. How will i raise her without a father? I am so ashamed that the man I made her with treats her like this. It’s my fault, I knew he was no good, yet I still went and had a child with him. Now, she has no father. Oh God!!!!!!!! My heart is breaking into a million pieces. my heart hurts. What will I do? How will i raise her well? Will she turn out ok?

I am sooooo sad, I am soo ashamed. I am so embarassed. I want my lil girl to have a dad. I want that sooooo bad.

 

Enjoying Motherhood

Ok, guys, I have decided to ACTIVELY try to enjoy EVERY ASPECT OF MOTHERHOOD. The last few weeks i have been pretty down about being a single mom and all the stress that comes along with it including having very little time for myself. Well, ok I have made a plan. I go to school on mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays, so after school i will go to the gym. That way i get some ‘me’ time and I will feel better about myself. twice a month, i will let the nanny come in on a sunday for half day and i will use that time to rest! She is coming tomorrow, YAYYYYYY! That means rest for me! Also trying to eat less and more healthy!

Here goes……………..