Calmer Waters

Hi everyone,

So you know the last two weeks have been rough for me and then I had two tests to prep for and then my daughter’s allergies were triggered . After i got that sorted, she got an ear infection. I was pretty upset because we work very hard to keep her clean and her surroundings sanitary as well as we do everything we humanly can to keep her in good health. But hey, these things happen.

Giving her the antibiotics is terrible. She kicks and screams like a mountain lion and I end up having to hold her down and force it into her mouth and she BAWLS and then vomits and we have to redo the process! I knew motherhood was challenging but WOAHHH!!!

Anyway, I didn’t do too badly in my last two tests. I scored a B+ in one and an A in the other. I am thankful to God for helping me because the last thing my confidence needs right now is poor school results. I have another result to get, so cross fingers and eyes that It will be good as well.

I am going to get a new hairstyle and see if that will help shake me out of this boring phase…. I know it’s not the external but internal that makes a difference but it just may help!

Realizing now that I am not ready to date or even think along that line. I have to first get over and forgive my daughter’s dad for being the kind of filth that he is. My heart is not in a healthy place as far as men are concerned. I am way too hurt and angry. So my focus is on GOD, TARA, ME AND MY FAMILY.

A good, decent, loving man will come along and when it happens I will be ready, but right now I just need to be and really immerse myself fully into being a mom and taking care of my inner spiritual self.

Love you guys,

Thanks for the encouragement. God, knows I need it.

Kim

 

The tempest is raging

 I am again going through a spate where i feel so stressed, frightened and overwhelmed.  I am barely clutching to my sanity and to what I know to be true… THAT THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

This weekend, i felt tired, miserable and most of all LONELY. I really long for some ADULT COMPANY. To top it off, I am still verrrrry depressed about her father’s lack of involvement and how do I minimize the impact on her life? I am feel sooo upset!

All i do is go to school, work and mother my sweet daughter. I love her a lot, but believe me…I AM LONELY AND I AM FEELING DEPRESSED.

THIS HYMN WRITTEN BY MARY BAKER, Clearly expresses how I feel: 

Master, the tempest is raging!
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o’ershadow with blackness,
No shelter or help is nigh;
Carest Thou not that we perish?
How canst Thou lie asleep,
When each moment so madly is threatening
A grave in the angry deep?

Refrain

The winds and the waves shall obey Thy will,
Peace, be still!
Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea,
Or demons or men, or whatever it be
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean, and earth, and skies;
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, be still! Peace, be still!
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, peace, be still!

Master, with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today;
The depths of my sad heart are troubled
Oh, waken and save, I pray!
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o’er my sinking soul;
And I perish! I perish! dear Master
Oh, hasten, and take control.

Refrain

Master, the terror is over,
The elements sweetly rest;
Earth’s sun in the calm lake is mirrored,
And heaven’s within my breast;
Linger, O blessèd Redeemer!
Leave me alone no more;
And with joy I shall make the blest harbor,
And rest on the blissful shore

Please see this video on youtube…Amazing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9llcyKcYHPM

 

Enjoying Motherhood

Ok, guys, I have decided to ACTIVELY try to enjoy EVERY ASPECT OF MOTHERHOOD. The last few weeks i have been pretty down about being a single mom and all the stress that comes along with it including having very little time for myself. Well, ok I have made a plan. I go to school on mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays, so after school i will go to the gym. That way i get some ‘me’ time and I will feel better about myself. twice a month, i will let the nanny come in on a sunday for half day and i will use that time to rest! She is coming tomorrow, YAYYYYYY! That means rest for me! Also trying to eat less and more healthy!

Here goes……………..