Hey everyone, I have been a very delinquent blogger but you know how it is at times…. you just don’t have the time!

I have been busy with exams, I have finals and I have been at school trying to tie up loose ends, prepare for exams as well as show my face at work and spend time with my daughter.. so my plate has been full.

I must pass these exams, they are essential to my career as well as my ability to provide for my daughter and myself. My next step is a Masters Degree.. but one thing at a time. First I must complete this Bachelors.

Tara is growing beautifully, she is saying new words like :’ish’ for fish, ‘buh’ for bug, ‘ba’ for bike, and she calls trucks .. copter, and helicopters.. copter too. Just amazing, the terrible twos have started and man she can be terrible, she has started hitting, throwing things and screaming loudly and grabbing my clothes and hair when she is upset.

I tell her no, but she seems to continue…. how did you guys deal with this?

I am currently fighting the stigma that people have about single moms… why is it that people assume that single moms are trashy, careless women, who are uneducated and poor? That is not true, while there are some like that a lot of single moms like myself.. are classy, educated and ambitious women who are focused on raising our children to be happy, educated, healthy, well rounded individuals. Again, I encourage all single moms, to keep your head up! Be proud that you have not deserted your responsibility! Be proud that you work so hard for your kids, and be proud that while it hasn’t worked out the way you wanted, you are doing the BEST YOU CAN and God will do the rest.

If you know of a single mom or single moms, don’t treat her or her kid (s) like lesser beings, she is a mother too… …let us support each other, we are all in this thing called life together! Let us all strive to be kind  and uplift each other and our kids… remember that:’ being civil is the only thing that separates us from animals, well some of us’

Love,

Kim

Tara BeachMommy and Tara

Hi everyone,

So you know the last two weeks have been rough for me and then I had two tests to prep for and then my daughter’s allergies were triggered . After i got that sorted, she got an ear infection. I was pretty upset because we work very hard to keep her clean and her surroundings sanitary as well as we do everything we humanly can to keep her in good health. But hey, these things happen.

Giving her the antibiotics is terrible. She kicks and screams like a mountain lion and I end up having to hold her down and force it into her mouth and she BAWLS and then vomits and we have to redo the process! I knew motherhood was challenging but WOAHHH!!!

Anyway, I didn’t do too badly in my last two tests. I scored a B+ in one and an A in the other. I am thankful to God for helping me because the last thing my confidence needs right now is poor school results. I have another result to get, so cross fingers and eyes that It will be good as well.

I am going to get a new hairstyle and see if that will help shake me out of this boring phase…. I know it’s not the external but internal that makes a difference but it just may help!

Realizing now that I am not ready to date or even think along that line. I have to first get over and forgive my daughter’s dad for being the kind of filth that he is. My heart is not in a healthy place as far as men are concerned. I am way too hurt and angry. So my focus is on GOD, TARA, ME AND MY FAMILY.

A good, decent, loving man will come along and when it happens I will be ready, but right now I just need to be and really immerse myself fully into being a mom and taking care of my inner spiritual self.

Love you guys,

Thanks for the encouragement. God, knows I need it.

Kim

 I am again going through a spate where i feel so stressed, frightened and overwhelmed.  I am barely clutching to my sanity and to what I know to be true… THAT THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

This weekend, i felt tired, miserable and most of all LONELY. I really long for some ADULT COMPANY. To top it off, I am still verrrrry depressed about her father’s lack of involvement and how do I minimize the impact on her life? I am feel sooo upset!

All i do is go to school, work and mother my sweet daughter. I love her a lot, but believe me…I AM LONELY AND I AM FEELING DEPRESSED.

THIS HYMN WRITTEN BY MARY BAKER, Clearly expresses how I feel: 

Master, the tempest is raging!
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o’ershadow with blackness,
No shelter or help is nigh;
Carest Thou not that we perish?
How canst Thou lie asleep,
When each moment so madly is threatening
A grave in the angry deep?

Refrain

The winds and the waves shall obey Thy will,
Peace, be still!
Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea,
Or demons or men, or whatever it be
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean, and earth, and skies;
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, be still! Peace, be still!
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, peace, be still!

Master, with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today;
The depths of my sad heart are troubled
Oh, waken and save, I pray!
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o’er my sinking soul;
And I perish! I perish! dear Master
Oh, hasten, and take control.

Refrain

Master, the terror is over,
The elements sweetly rest;
Earth’s sun in the calm lake is mirrored,
And heaven’s within my breast;
Linger, O blessèd Redeemer!
Leave me alone no more;
And with joy I shall make the blest harbor,
And rest on the blissful shore

Please see this video on youtube…Amazing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9llcyKcYHPM

My heart is so full tonight. My heart is heavy and low. Tonight I saw Tara’s Dad, and he was just so casual and nonchalant. He has not seen her in six months and he blames me, yet he makes no effort to see her and he has never ever even given her a dollar or a toy. He has never given her ANYTHING!

I want Tara to have a Dad so oooooo badly. She is so beautiful and sweet, she deserves a father. Why won’t her dad be a father? He is so irresponsible and nonchalant, yet he says that he cares. Actions speak louder than words and he does nothing for her and only calls once in a while.

I am so sad, my daughter deserves better than this. How will i raise her without a father? I am so ashamed that the man I made her with treats her like this. It’s my fault, I knew he was no good, yet I still went and had a child with him. Now, she has no father. Oh God!!!!!!!! My heart is breaking into a million pieces. my heart hurts. What will I do? How will i raise her well? Will she turn out ok?

I am sooooo sad, I am soo ashamed. I am so embarassed. I want my lil girl to have a dad. I want that sooooo bad.

dsc01176.jpgAt the ZooTara and Mommy at the ZOO

Ok, guys, I have decided to ACTIVELY try to enjoy EVERY ASPECT OF MOTHERHOOD. The last few weeks i have been pretty down about being a single mom and all the stress that comes along with it including having very little time for myself. Well, ok I have made a plan. I go to school on mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays, so after school i will go to the gym. That way i get some ‘me’ time and I will feel better about myself. twice a month, i will let the nanny come in on a sunday for half day and i will use that time to rest! She is coming tomorrow, YAYYYYYY! That means rest for me! Also trying to eat less and more healthy!

Here goes……………..

Happy New Year to everyone!!!!! I myself while trying my best to feel optimistic about the upcoming year am feeling LOOOONELY tonight. I have had a great 2007, my family was healthy, we suffered no deaths of close loved ones, we kept our jobs, my daughter hs been healthy and happy and God has just been so good to us. So while i do not want to seem ungrateful, i must admit that tonight december 31, 2007.. i am feeling blue. Blue because one year has passed and I am still no where closer to meeting someone special, one year has passed and my daughter’s dad has been a jerk from conception till now and shows very little interest in her and i am feeling anxious because another year lies ahead and I am fearful of the unknown.

My wishes for 2008:

1. health and happiness for my mom, Tara, my sister , my dad and myself

2. To complete my degree

3. To meet a life partner

4. To eat healthier

5. less crime in jamaica

Love you guys,

K

Well guys, it’s the silly season, yuletide, good old christmas and what i like to call the WARM AND FUZZY Season. This is the time of year when you feel so mushy and go shopping and but cute little items… run up your credit card… while buying cute little items… run up your credit card buying shoes, clothes and beloved JEWELLERY! I love perfume… so thi season I owuld like to be treated to two scents.. I have notd ecided what they will be yet… but I plan to run my credit card to get at least one of them.

Well what do you plan to do this holiday?

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